Foreign bodies
by Vi West
Summary: Cosima is gone. The only people that Sarah and Delphine blame more than each other are themselves.
1. Chapter 1

*Inspired by thegeekmonkey's French Leather hate!ship concept on Tumblr

* * *

It was the closest Delphine would ever come to loving Cosima again.

She took this figure in - a twisted mix of someone she loved and someone she hated, wrapped into one person. It was a body that should've been able to arouse her like Cosima's did but would never know how. A constant reminder of the sweet caresses that were no longer hers to have and the remnants of what's so unfairly left behind.

Each haunted by the same ghost, the only people they blamed more than each other were themselves.

Delphine pressed herself up against Sarah and breathed her in, almost examining her for traces of Cosima. Anything she could find. Anything she could grab onto.

Cosima was a musk of syrupy smoke - sweet and savory, begging to be inhaled. Sarah was different. Sarah was - leather - worn skin, damaged and dangerous.

As the brunette's arm slid itself across her the small of her back, Delphine was overcome with the sickening need to kiss this warm body all over. And yet any strange attraction was poisoned by the fact that Delphine couldn't help but blame Sarah for living.

Why did Sarah get to be here while the skin around Delphine's eyes was still chapped from crying the day she put Cosima in the ground?

This other version tasted different. She moved different - Sarah's hips rolling into Delphine with more force, fueled by anger instead of love.

Sarah saw a challenge in Delphine. A challenge for herself to make love to this beautiful new creature. And a challenge for Delphine to take it, knowing Sarah could never be the person Delphine yearned to see again. It was an emotional abuse that Sarah was accustomed to, deliciously and disturbingly comfortable with. Paul and Vic were easy to figure out. To manipulate. Women were harder.

Standing against her late clone's girlfriend, Sarah leaned into Delphine and placed her thigh between the two stalks of legs, finding comfort in the warmth there. Delphine jumped at the forwardness. Sarah smirked.

Even when Delphine had moaned over Cosima's touch for the first time, there was a gentle give and take. Any tension was borne of passion, not of pain. With Cosima it felt foreign, but never wrong. This was a different experience entirely.

Sarah breathed into Delphine's neck. "Felix told me to kick your ass." Her hands slid over the body part in question.

"Cosima told me to take care of you," Delphine whispered, her eyes surveying Sarah's lips.

They kissed softly, exploring the contours of each other's mouths with their tongues, grazing the new skin with their hands. This would be the last time they'd ever be so gentle.

Delphine stumbled backwards towards Felix's bed. He was out for the night with one of his boys but they put the screwdriver in just in case. They decided that whatever anger he might feel from being locked out of his own apartment would be nothing compared to how he'd react if he found out.

Tearing clothes away to let flesh meet flesh, their bodies tangled together and hit the sheets, each equally eager to explore the other, neither willing to let her counterpart take the lead.

Delphine tried to think of how Cosima had taught her and guided her. Allowed her to do her best and then turned around to show her how it was really done, happy to give Delphine better than what she got in return, happy to please her. But Sarah seemed to have no patience for a lesson.

Delphine placed her hands firmly on Sarah's thighs and spread her legs apart. She put her strength into it in a way she would've never considered with Cosima. The push and pull fueled her, rocking their bodies and raging their minds.

Sarah's jaw dropped in helplessness as Delphine's tongue explored, opening Sarah to a painful pleasure, one she felt she deserved. For not being able to...

The brunette thrust herself upwards, her legs intertwined with Delphine's, her open mouth searching for the woman's lips. Delphine ran her hands through Sarah's brown locks and twirled them, pulling them in strands away from the skin, twisting them almost into knots, forcing herself to see Cosima. To create her. Even for a moment. Sarah pushed her body into Delphine's and moaned.

In an brief instant of ecstatic arousal, Delphine looked straight into Sarah's eyes and saw the same colors she used to see in Cosima's, the flecks of green and brown. When they were this close. Chest to chest. If you took all the other stuff away, it was still her. It could still be. She remembered how Cosima's pupils dilated when she took her glasses off. How her eyes rolled back when she touched her. How Delphine leaned into her face, making sure that Cosima could see her clearly with her less than perfect vision.

Sarah grabbed Delphine's hands and placed them on her breasts. Delphine snapped out of her dream world and let a laugh escape.

"What?" Sarah asked, offended.

"They're smaller somehow." Delphine smiled. "Than hers."

Sarah flipped Delphine over on her back and let her fingers find the wetness. Delphine's laughter snuck away, giggles morphing into groans.

Sarah wanted desperately to give Delphine the illusion of Cosima. She wanted to give it back to her so close only to pull it away again. She worked at her until Delphine's teeth drew blood from her bottom lip. It tasted like Cosima. During her last days. Blood-stained lips, sick with sweat. Red liquid expelled from an infected chest. And Delphine kissed those lips anyway. Wanting to swallow any fears from that once fearless creature. The most hopeful, open and honest person she knew - demoted to the role of victim. None of it was fair.

Sarah, on the other hand, knew how to be a victim, didn't she?

"Orphan wretch," Delphine whispered to the woman whose digits were curling inside of her. Sarah resented this. "Say again?" Victim she was not. Survivor was the word she was thinking of. Her fingers continued to work tirelessly, pulsing new life inside of the French beauty.

And just as Delphine was about to climax, Sarah pulled away, hovering over the shaking blonde, who was writhing with the ache and promise of pleasure.

"S'il te plait." Delphine gasped. "Please. S'il te plait."

Grinning, Sarah watched Delphine's back arch higher and higher, French curse words dripping from her lips, and when she reached a peak, Sarah entered her again and finished her off. She, too, found pleasure in it. A bizarre rapture intertwined with that of her strange bedfellow.

Sarah collapsed onto Delphine's heaving chest. For a moment they were one, lying, expelling heavy breaths like poison being detoxed from the body. Limbs mixed together. Wet blinks that threatened to drop tears. Exchanging heat, understanding what they did to each other, accepting what they received in return, almost - maybe, almost - forgiving, for Cosima's sake.

After a few moments of silence, Sarah breathed out her admission: "You know, I've never been with a woman before."

And Delphine wept, as she told Cosima she always did after sex.


	2. Chapter 2

The words, "it showed," repeated over and over in her mind.

_It showed it showed it showed it showed._

The painful memory of Cosima's insult burned its way through Delphine's system. She wanted nothing more than to take the weapon as her own and aim it at Sarah. But it would've only been a lie. Because it didn't show, that Sarah had never been with a woman before Delphine. It really didn't show.

Sarah had ripped her open and picked her apart, having exposed some latent center of pain and pleasure that not even Cosima had been able to access. Delphine was angry at Sarah for having that power, angry at Cosima for not. And so she lay right there, Sarah's legs wrapped in hers, letting the sobs wave over her, letting Cosima's ghost pass through her.

It was Sarah who made a move to untangle herself, trying to carve out some piece of the bed in a desperate search for some peace of mind. She'd never been very good at dealing with emotions - hers or anybody else's. Despite the pangs that hit her chest from hearing Delphine's cries, Sarah didn't reach out to hold Delphine while she wept. She didn't squeeze her arm just a little tighter around her waist. The preluding sex was personal, carnal. But this - this was intimacy. This was something Sarah hadn't signed up for.

She threw off the sheets and swung her legs over the bed.

"I'm not her, Delphine, okay?"

The blonde reached her hand up and laid it on the smooth skin of Sarah's back. Sarah trembled at the touch, a shiver snaking its way through her exposed flesh, blood pulsing between her legs.

"Oui c'est vrai." Delphine sat up and leaned her head against Sarah's back. Sarah's flesh rose at the sensation. "She did something I would never expect from you," Delphine said.

"And what's that?"

"She forgave."

"Well, you had her wrapped around your little finger, yeah?" Sarah said. "And still…"

Delphine's muscles tensed, preparing for the blow. When it didn't come, she pressed her body harder against Sarah. "Say it," Delphine demanded.

"And still…" Sarah turned around. She ran her fingers through Delphine's gorgeous hair and brushed the wet strands out of her eyes. "And still, you couldn't save her, could you?"

Delphine's tongue caught in her throat. When she swallowed, it still tasted like Sarah.

"And neither could you," Delphine said.

"But I'm not the immunologist."

"And I'm not the one who killed Helena," Delphine whispered.

"Fuck you," Sarah said without hesitation. She slipped a large tank top on and went to Felix's kitchen to put on the kettle.

"You know what it's like to lose a part of yourself, too," Delphine said, following Sarah's lead.

"She was my twin. You just fell in love with your science experiment. And then she terminated."

"You consider yourself a science experiment then, as well?"

"I don't know, doctor. Do you?"

Delphine rummaged through her bag to find a cigarette. "If you hadn't killed Helena, we would've had a better chance," she said. "Of understanding how she was the way she was. And why Cosima…"

"There you go, siding with the Neo-nutheads again."

Delphine lit her cigarette, took a drag and exhaled. "The only person I ever truly sided with is gone."

Sarah stepped into Delphine, the smoke reddening her eyes. "And the only mistake I made was not being better at protecting Cosima from you. When she'd call and gush over her filthy monitor. Studying host/parasite relationships, yeah? That's rich."

Delphine leaned back. "What did she tell you?"

"Hmm." Sarah thought, smiling. "She said you're awful in bed."

Sarah failed to subdue her laugh. Delphine slapped her, the cigarette coming close to burning Sarah's skin.

_It showed it showed it showed._

"She didn't say that."

"…which you are," Sarah continued, rubbing her cheek. "Though I'll throw you a bone because you must have some performance anxiety. You know, with a ghost watching on and everything."

"Oh, do you think she's watching?" Delphine said coyly.

"I do," Sarah said, grabbing the lighter and playing with the flame.

"Do you think she's mad?"

"I do."

"Do you think she would hear me if I said, 'I'm sorry, ma chérie. I would give all the world to bring you back and have you never leave me again'?"

Sarah stopped fidgeting and looked up at Delphine. She didn't answer.

"Do you think she would forgive us for not being able to save her?" Delphine asked.

"I do," Sarah said, her throat now dry.

"That's where we differ." Delphine breathed out and took her lighter back. "I don't think she ever blamed blame us. She was too kind for that."

Though she'd never admit it, it wasn't difficult for Sarah to understand what Cosima saw in Delphine. Not that Sarah was one to concern herself too much with strength of character, but there was something fascinating about the doctor, how she tried desperately to remain objective in light of emotion. And how she failed. With Cosima. And now.

Sarah lifted the cigarette from the Delphine's mouth and grazed her thumb along the blonde's lips. "Do you think she'd hate it if she saw me doing this?"

"I think she'd want me to be happy."

"And are you?" Sarah asked. "Happy."

"This is the furthest from happy I've ever been," Delphine said, tears filling her eyes.

With Delphine so close, Sarah gave up the ghost and, like she'd always done, improvised with what was directly in front of her. Without breaking eye contact, Sarah put out the cigarette on Felix's table, now leaving both her hands free to do what they wanted to Delphine.

"How did she kiss you?" Sarah asked. "Like this?"

She pressed her lips onto Delphine's. Delphine took a sharp breath. She looked away, remaining present in the kiss and trying to detach herself at the same time.

"Like this?" Sarah asked again, running her tongue along Delphine's lips. The blonde closed her eyes and whimpered.

"Like this?" Sarah asked a third time, opening her mouth wider and offering it to Delphine, who sank into Sarah's warmth.

_Like this. Like this. Yes, yes. It was like that. Just like that. No. Arrête._

Delphine let out a cry in Sarah's mouth. Her lips slid from the brunette's skin. Her legs gave way. She leaned forward and collapsed into Sarah, who managed to catch her head in her lap as they both stumbled to the ground.

And this time, Sarah held the weeping woman, enclosing the shaking body inside her own, shielding her, not from any external threat, but rather from something inside clawing to get out. Like she had held Kira the night of the accident. Like Felix had held Sarah the first time Vic beat her. Like Delphine had held Cosima on those long nights when the sickness took over.

Like Sarah could only bear to hold someone whose sobs had shaken the bed that they so strangely shared.

Through the giant windows, the city sun cast its light down onto their odd formation, as a microscope would illuminate its subject of observation. A broken, organic sample, ready to be examined and mended.

And of those who watched on - be it Leekie, Cosima, or any higher power who cared to lower his eyes and glimpse into the sharp fragment of their world - no one dared disturb this moment.

Until time found its bearings and resumed. The kettle screamed and metal clanged against metal, the screwdriver dancing in its place. Felix was home.


	3. Chapter 3

"Open this bloody door! Sarah, if you're in there shagging some low-life wanker in my bed - !"

The metal slab jerked again violently, rattling the screwdriver against it. Steam hissed from the burning kettle.

"Merde," Delphine breathed hotly onto Sarah's chest, her legs still loose and limp on the cold floor.

Sarah, to her own surprise, did not move right away. Instead, she placed her hand on Delphine's cheek and helped to wipe the tears away from her eyes. Delphine looked up at her. Something about Sarah's face was still soft with empathy, open and wanting more of whatever it had just witnessed.

They created one final moment of heat between them, only to be interrupted by Felix's continued exclamations from outside.

Delphine leaned into Sarah for strength to stand. Once on their feet, they shook each other off, dispelling from their joint center of energy, like two similar magnets that some curious child tried to force together.

Sarah, still sporting nothing but a large tank top and underwear, leaped to switch off the stove and relieve Felix of his frustration.

Delphine ran up to the bed and quickly slipped on her pants and shirt. She turned her back to the loft's entrance and wiped her eyes multiple times, only making them redder and more irritated.

Sarah put her weight into the handle and slid the door open, revealing a pissed-off Felix, who barged in and demanded, "Okay, where is he?"

"There's no guy, Felix," Sarah said, exasperated, partially because she hadn't been able to make it work with a man in God knows how long, but more importantly because Felix had interrupted something with Delphine.

Sarah turned into the apartment and felt her heart lurch as she watched Delphine's back expand and contract quickly, the staggered breaths attempting to even themselves from the sobbing. She swallowed a lump in her throat each time Delphine touched her eyes, assuming she was buying time to come up with an excuse for why they were watering.

Sarah tried to think of some bullshit reason, too, but she was distracted by the tears that hadn't yet dried on the collar of her shirt and the way Delphine's body had shaken against hers while she was crying, and even before that…as they tangled together and rose and fell and rose and fell, giving each other permission to push buttons, discover the source of the pain.

_Does this hurt? Yes, Doctor. Does this hurt? Yes, Doctor. How about now? Worse. And now? That hurts more. And this? More. More. More._

She was frightened by how protective she'd come to feel of Delphine in such a brief amount of time. How Felix's obvious willingness to hate Cosima's monitor brought out some animalistic need to defend her, to lock her up and keep her safe forever. Anything, she would give, to go back to holding her on the floor and letting her weep sorrows onto her skin.

Sarah was good at wanting what she couldn't have and failing to nurture something precious when it was there for the taking, begging to be loved. Like Kira.

The foster siblings watched Delphine's head rise slowly, her body twist around quickly, as she glided down to meet them on their level.

Felix smirked when he saw her blotchy face. "What'd you do to her?" he scoffed at Sarah. Delphine didn't take her eyes off of Felix, not daring to give into temptation.

"We were talking about Cosima." Delphine shrugged her shoulders, her eyebrows twitching in attempt to fight back the pressure of tears. "It's still hard, you know? It'll always be hard."

"That was mine," Sarah thought, her ears reddening with anger. "That was my confession. That was for me and she just went and wasted it on Felix." What she would do to kick her foster brother out of his own place. To have never gotten up and removed the screwdriver. To have stayed entangled with Delphine on the ground, hushing her with caresses, pretending for as long as they could that they were not there. That Cosima's ghost had turned on the kettle.

Sarah knew Felix would sooner believe that than he would the real story.

She glanced at him, observing his reaction to Delphine's emotional admission, which wasn't at all a lie. They had been talking about Cosima. Cosima was the third person in the room and they had danced for her, twisting in and out of fantasy and reality, letting her join in for certain moments and discarding her as they pleased. Now, with Felix here, four was nothing but a crowd.

Felix looked Delphine up and down and pursed his lips, preventing himself from saying anything too nasty.

The truth was, he didn't much mind Delphine. She was important to Cosima, and Felix had always had a soft spot for the hippie science geek of the bunch. He was primarily such a bitch to her was for Sarah's sake. Sarah had advised Cosima to stay away from her and she hadn't listened, which ended up blowing this whole thing up into an even bigger mess. He felt for his sister. And anyone who threatened to get in the way of her safety, even a little bit, was someone he could waste his energy scowling at.

Little did he know, his sheets were rumpled and damp with the heat of Sarah and Delphine's lovemaking.

Thankfully for the ladies, the messy bed was no surprise to Felix, since he rarely tidied it up anyway. But there was something a bit strange that he did notice. Aside from the fact that Sarah's legs were bare, Delphine's shirt was most definitely inside-out, the seams glaring at him and the tag flapping behind her neck. Sarah saw it, too, but failed to grab Delphine's attention with Felix watching on.

Felix squinted in an attempt to inspect any other signs of oddness. Unable to find anything, he asked, "Want a cuppa?"

Delphine smiled and took another breath, but before she could answer, Sarah chimed in.

"Oh, kettle's already hot," she said, following Felix into the kitchen area. "We were just making it when you came."

"Yeah, you were, were you?" Felix took out the mugs and tea bags. "And there's no man hiding under the bed or in the closet or anything?"

Once Felix's back was turned towards them, Sarah hastily signaled to Delphine about the wardrobe malfunction. It took Delphine a few attempts to understand just what Sarah was trying to communicate.

"You think I'd be doin' that with Delphine here, yeah?" She shot her response back at Felix.

"I don't know if you like it freaky or what."

"Shut up, Fee. You're sick."

"No, we were just making tea," Delphine said, quickly lifting her top and slipping it back on correctly.

Sarah felt a shiver go through her as she caught a glimpse of Delphine's naked chest again, like a school girl holding her crush's hand for the first time.

"Making tea to calm my nerves since we were talking about her," Delphine continued. She didn't want to say, "Cosima," again. Once before was enough.

"And you need to lock the door to talk about her?" Felix asked, turning around to place the smoking mugs on the table.

Oh. Delphine hadn't tried to think of an excuse for that. But Sarah was quick on the uptake.

"There was some commotion outside. Some nut jobs who live across the way. I don't know, something was going down. They can do whatever they want, but I wasn't gonna have them barging in here and messing shit up."

"Just to be safe," Delphine added. "I asked her to close it."

"Well, how nice of you," Felix said to Sarah.

"But now, I really have to go," Delphine said, moving to grab her bag.

"Oh, so soon," Felix said sarcastically

"Yeah, so soon?" Sarah asked, trying to conceal the pain in her voice.

"I can't stay," Delphine said to Sarah. "It's been a long - I should really get back."

Sarah could barely swallow the hot liquid, a jealous flame already burning its way through her. She wanted nothing more than for Delphine to stay, to just be with her again. The pain of looking at her and not being able to touch her while Felix was there was too much to handle. She felt her body ache all over. She hated the way that Delphine seemed to be handling this situation so well. She needed more of her and she needed it now.

Delphine saw the anguish in Sarah's face. So, she improvised. "Oh, but, I don't know anything about the buses here. Is it buses? Taxis? Sarah said she'd help me find my way back."

"Yeah," Sarah said weakly. She didn't give a damn if it was a lame excuse. She just needed to get out with Delphine.

"Okay…" Felix said, enjoying the fact that it felt so weird, itching to uncover the subtext.

Sarah followed Delphine to the door.

"But I think you'll need these," Felix said.

"Huh?" Sarah turned around and was hit in the face with a pair of her own pants.

"Unless you want to pick up some extra bills on the street."

"Oh, yeah," Sarah said. "Thanks."

She slid her pants on and pushed Delphine into the hall, slamming the door closed behind her. Sarah didn't make it to the stairs before she reached out her arm to grab Delphine and turn her around. Delphine was ready for it, spinning into the warmth of Sarah's presence.

"Can I touch you?" Sarah's voice quivered as the felt the heat pulse between her legs. All moisture on her lips had dried up.

"Here?" Delphine asked.

"Everywhere. Anywhere."

"No, I mean, here?" She lifted her arm to point. "Your brother's right in - "

Sarah leaned in and wetted her lips on Delphine's, a lost desert-dweller satisfying herself with water from a well. Sarah's eyelids fluttered with relief as Delphine's tongue slipped into her mouth.

"Yes, you can touch me," Delphine said.

"Here?" Sarah asked.

"Everywhere," Delphine said.

Sarah pressed herself up against Delphine, leaving only enough room to slip her hand down the front of the blonde's pants and thrust upwards. Delphine let out a moan that could've been heard by the whole building and maybe the next one over. Sarah placed her other hand on Delphine's mouth. Delphine bit down on the flesh.

Sarah's eyes popped open as she heard Felix walk to his door to check on the noise. Still wrapped up together, they continued to search for each other's lips as they stumbled down the stairs and pushed themselves into a hidden, darkened corner on the landing.

It was dirty and it was wrong but so were they.

Sarah's hand kept Delphine quiet as she continued work inside of her. It wouldn't take long. All of the angst and anticipation that Delphine had so neatly kept hidden in the loft was now pulsing in her body, needing very little stimulation for release.

They heard Felix shut his door and they knew were alone again, safe.

Sarah did what she had done before, for no other reason than that it had seemed to work. She pulsed in and out, in and out, pressing Delphine against the wall until she was just about to come, and then, Sarah relinquished and moved away.

Before, she'd waited longer as Delphine had cursed at her in a foreign tongue, and she enjoyed watching the pain flare in Delphine's eyes. But now, it was Sarah who couldn't take the anticipation. She needed Delphine to feel that ecstasy again. She needed to be the one to make her feel it.

Sarah knelt down. She pulled Delphine onto her knee and rocked her there, hugging her close, feeling the space between the blonde's thighs throb against her and dampen her leg.

As the tension expelled from her muscles, Delphine felt sick to her stomach from all the adrenaline. Her body shook against Sarah's with groans that she tried her hardest to keep hushed.

"Delphine…" Sarah said into the cloud of blonde hair, addressing her as the person she was. Not the doctor. Not Cosima's girlfriend. Not Cosima's executioner. Just this woman, all her own here.

"Sarah…" Delphine breathed into the musky hallway.

Now they were just embracing, sharing a moment, maybe saying goodbye. To a passing stranger, they could've been friends reunited after a long while, or sisters emotional over the loss of a dear relative. But it was futile, that dreaming. Neither bothered with those fabrications anyway.

They only cared about one thing after that: seeing each other again, continuing to feed ache with ache, and devising new ways to throw fire into an already destructive flame.


	4. Chapter 4

Delphine had decided to take her out to dinner.

Sarah sprawled along the edge of the hotel room bed, her body propped up on one elbow. The light came through from the bathroom, casting its yellow tinge across her toes. Through the open door, she watched Delphine make herself up in the mirror. Sarah couldn't care less about the final product. In fact, she preferred Delphine without the special effects. She was the raw drama that made you shake in your boots even without 3D glasses or CGI enhancements. But Sarah had to admit, she'd developed an infatuation with the process. Each brush stroke through the hair. The mumbled curses when the eyeliner pencil slipped through her fingers. The jaw that hung open in concentration while the eyelashes crushed in the curler.

Sarah breathed softly, calmed by the rhythm of Delphine's involuntary humming. She wondered if it was some French tune that Delphine had learned while growing up. Maybe from her mother. Maybe from the other kids at school. She'd have to remember to ask her at dinner. But for now, nothing was going to interrupt the pleasure of the process.

Sarah had never had nice things in her life. She never stuck around long enough for anything to ferment, never kept money in a bank long enough for it to build interest. Even Kira was a flower she only saw blossom in separate stages. But Delphine was a nice thing. Maybe the most beautiful she'd ever seen. And while, at that moment, Sarah would've offered the blood from her own veins in place of the bright red liquid Delphine was applying to her lips, in the back of her mind, she knew how it always ended - Sarah and those nice things. The saddest part was, she was sure Delphine knew, too.

Together, they were two women who were trained to trust one thing: no one. They were secure in the knowledge that, at any moment Sarah might flip out on Delphine again, or Delphine might reveal her grand scheme. That Sarah was next. That she was 34B22, just a number, a lab rat that fell into the snare of its doctor. And yet, they were human. The illusion of normality, the bold attempts at honesty, and the reality of amazing sex were still worth the risk. Not to mention this stupid stage play of Sarah's toes dancing in the dim light while she watched Delphine comb through her knotless locks. It was all too delicious not to savor, even if it was temporary.

And so they kissed, but not for too long - careful of the lipstick! - and went to dinner.

— — — — —

Once seated at their table, Sarah looked around at the dance of the waiters performing for their customers. Her ears tingled from the clinks of the forks and the swoosh of the coats. Everyone was putting on a show, and Sarah was still merely a spectator.

She turned her neck and placed her focus on Delphine. "This is a nice restaurant, innit?"

It only took a moment for the sadness to wash over her, the strange memory of her twin sister coming back to haunt her. She blinked hard and grabbed the wine menu.

"Everything okay?" Delphine flashed her puppy dog eyes.

"'Course." Sarah smiled, glancing over the French names and descriptions. She didn't quite know what they all meant, but she felt secure for a moment with her head hidden between these pages. Wine. Yes, grapes were something she'd stick around long enough to see ferment.

Delphine gently pulled the menu down to the table. "I want to see you. Not this leather binding."

"You pick," Sarah said, handing the menu over to Delphine. "Your choice."

She watched Delphine bite the inside of her cheek as she searched the menu. Sarah was overwhelmed by how beautiful she looked, and proud that she'd been able to see this lovely picture come together in the shitty hotel lighting.

Like a 14-year-old boy toying around with X-ray goggles, she thought also about how gorgeous Delphine was underneath the clothes, how everybody around them could tell, too. Literally and otherwise, Sarah saw through the makeup and the jewelry and the cashmere. How could they dress up and play "date night" when days ago they'd been ripping sheets apart and drowning in each other's sweat and tears?

It was a game Sarah wasn't sure she wanted to play, and so her appetite vanished.

The waiter came over to ask about the wine selection. Delphine leaned into him and pointed a sharp, black fingernail at the one she wanted. He winked at her, swiftly grabbing and closing the menu with one strong motion. "Oui." Delphine smiled. "Merci."

This was quite obviously Delphine's world. One in which men were disarmed by mere glances instead of hard punches, in which the right wine could make or break your night.

"You look uncomfortable," Delphine said, glancing around.  
"I'm excited for the wine," was all Sarah could manage to say. But it was true. A few glasses and she'd been fine.  
"And the food!" Delphine added.  
"All you."  
"You're not eating?"  
"I'm eating." Sarah could fathom putting anything in her stomach. "But you - you choose."  
"What do you like?"  
"Anything. Up to you."

Sarah wanted to be charming, but she lacked the saliva to form words, so she decided to wink at Delphine instead. It was, without a doubt, unbelievably awkward.

"What in the world," Delphine whispered, "was that?"  
"Something in my eye."  
Delphine giggled. She mimicked Sarah's wink right back at her.  
"Well, _he_ did!" Sarah extended an arm towards the waiter, who was taking orders at another table. "You liked it."  
"I'm not here for him. I'm here for you."  
"And I'm here for you!"  
"And I liked that he offered us a complimentary drink because they were out of the wine that I wanted."

Delphine lowered her voice. People were looking at them.

"I wanted to take you out for _you_. Not for me. If you're not having a good time, let's go somewhere where you will."

The image of Delphine's hotel room popped into Sarah's mind, still misty from the perfume, the bed unmade from when they turned housekeeping away. That was the only place she wanted to go. She'd be kidding herself otherwise. They weren't a couple. They had no foundation in romance. Theirs was a hotel-room love, parenthetical and private, strengthened by fucking and weakened by feeling.

"Yes," Sarah said, tearing at some bread in the basket. "I'd rather."  
"Rather…"  
"I'd rather go."  
Delphine raised her eyebrows. "Oui." She placed her napkin on the table and sat back.

The bread stuck to Sarah's tongue and she made a face. "Iths sthale," she struggled to say.  
"Say again?" Delphine had picked up that little saying from Sarah. "Stale...?"  
She nodded. "Sthale."

A dry piece of bread fell out of Sarah's mouth and onto the table. Delphine cracked up, her body rocking back and forth in the chair, a hand pressed against her diaphragm. She laughed so fully that the waiter came over to see if everything was all right. Despite her noticeably cheery disposition, she told him that she wasn't feeling very well and that they had to leave.

Sarah found herself overjoyed to exit the dance and take a gulp of the fresh evening air, Delphine's arm snaked through hers.

It wasn't until they got back to the hotel room that Sarah realized how kind Delphine's last gesture at the table had been. Delphine hadn't blamed Sarah. She hadn't even taken the opportunity to fake-blame her. She took the fall for the dud of an evening and wrapped it all in a bow with a wispy signature across the bottom of the check. She'd gone through with buying the bottle of wine and took it back with them. If it was tacky or unexpected etiquette for a fine dining establishment, neither cared. They just had each other, the fermented fruit, and the endorphins.

Delphine's head lay across Sarah's lap as Sarah flipped through fuzzy channels on the old television. Cop show. Commercial. Cop show. Bad movie. Soap opera. Boring. Boring. It was all boring compared to the alternative activity. Still, Sarah kept pressing the remote until Delphine's raspy voice cried out, "Arrête!"  
"Huh?"  
"Stop! There."

Sarah clicked backwards until Delphine gave word. It looked to be an old film that Sarah couldn't recognize. Black and white. Or maybe that was just the fading quality of the hotel television.

"Mon préféré," Delphine said, stretching her neck to look upwards into Sarah's eyes. "My favorite. Well, when I was younger."  
"I don't —"  
"Shh, shh, shh." Delphine raised her arm and stuck a finger on Sarah's lips. Sarah's face lit up. She bit the finger playfully. "Just watch," Delphine said, turning back towards the screen.

The music came crackling through the speakers, a familiar song to accompany an unfamiliar sight. Sarah did know this. From somewhere. And as Delphine started to hum along with it, her throat vibrating against Sarah's thigh, the brunette remembered - the image of Delphine painting a picture on her face, the rhythmic motion scored by her curious little song. The song she sang to herself in the mirror. Only now, Sarah's fingers replaced the brush bristles that worked their way through those blonde locks. And they hummed together, Sarah slowly picking up the easy rhythm.

Delphine lifted herself to Sarah and placed a kiss on her head. There was no lipstick to impede this time. As it should be. Sarah closed her eyes and found Delphine's lips. They sank into each other, arms gliding under clothes and over skin. Syncing their breath and motion together, they tasted like wine and cigarettes, and felt curiously like home in the middle of nowhere.


End file.
